The Kill Sasuke Game
by xHotaru
Summary: Sasuke's nice day. Written by a bunch of rabid Sasuke-haters on drugs . Watch as he gets his nuts eaten off and gets stabbed with 'blunt rusty spoons.'


The Kill Sasuke Game

_By; The Anti-Sasuke Guild of Gaia_

After a hard morning's training, Sasuke was exhausted from trying to increase his Mental Strength and Stamina by trying to keep the cursed seal closed as long as possible.

On his way back to Konoha, Sasuke was staggering through the trees when heard a woman scream somewhere in the nearby forest.

Just as he was about to investigate and play the hero (for once) a rabid squirrel pounces on his tight pants and begins to eat his nuts.

As he pisses on himself, the animal runs away. Then, he slips on his piss and falls out of the tree landing on his head.

Getting up, half the man he was before, he turns and sees a bull runs toward him and hit his balls. He flew through the forest and into the village and there he found a boxed lunch.

He tried to focus after having his nuts attacked twice in one day. He looked to see what was inside the box when he realized he was in a ladies hot spring.

A large obese woman approached him and mistook him for a chair. She grinned cheerfully and sat down on the boy. Sasuke struggled underneath, slowly running out of oxygen. She gets up and realizes that a young boy was underneath her.

She mistakes him for being a pervert and yells suddenly as more women come and begin to attack Sasuke. An old lady with a hot wok of curried peppers flings the meal in to Sasuke's face, causing him to wither in pain, as another woman takes out her handy dandy 10000v taser and attaches it to his small man jewels which she needed a micro-microscope to find, then realizes there's nothing left after his earlier de-manning adventures involving a squirrel and a bull.

So the muscular woman with the taser grabs his tighty whities and proceeds to give him a wedgie.

Just then the manager of the hot springs appears to see what all the commotion is about.

She sees Sasuke and wonders why he isn't screaming in pain from the wedgie.

As the muscular woman is about to pull the underwear completely over his head, Sasuke grabs the woman and throws her up in the air.

Sasuke jumps up in the air and as he was about to do his lion combo when a Kunai flies through the air and pins him to a tree, inches away from a vital point.

As Kakashi appears in front of him, he reminded him, "...never to hit a lady, Sasuke!"

Kakashi then as punishment tied Sasuke to a tree and began to read "make-out paradise" aloud, forcing Sasuke to listen to love and sex and snuggles (Which surely must have been true torture for him).

Kakashi then held the book out for Sasuke to read aloud, threatening that if he didn't then he would hire that rabid squirrel from earlier as Sasuke's daily assistant.

Sasuke pulls the Kunai off and attempts at escape while Kakashi is too absorbed in reading his text, but a horde of kittens tramples over Sasuke, and he falls to the ground being trampled until the huge horde of kittens have passed.

Disoriented from the blood loss he slowly stood up and ran to see Sakura who is screaming his name.

She begins to run towards him but then she disappears. He realizes it was just an illusion then he feels somebody on top of him holding him down. Then he feels another person is pinning him down as he suddenly he hears the words "Who's the idiot now, Sasuke?" and realizes that it is Naruto.

Sasuke struggles to get away but then Naruto farts in his face. Sasuke passes out from the smell and awakens to finds himself tied down onto a hospital bed, feeling drowsy. Kakashi comes in dressed as a nurse holding a HUGE book of 'Come-come Paradise.'

He tries to get free but he was too weak from the all the attacks.

"I'll fix those nasty cuts that the squirrel made." Kakashi grins. Sasuke's eyes begin to widen as he watches Kakashi begin to read 'Come-come Paradise.'

Sasuke then in an attempt to escape throws himself out the window, landing in a nearby bush. Kakashi calls out to Sasuke to come back so he can finish reading the book, but Sasuke yells back "I'm too mature to read your stupid child's book! Baaaaaakkaaaaaaa!"

As Sasuke turns around to escape, he comes face to face with Jiraiya.  
"What did you say about my book?"

Sasuke looked over him and smirked.

"YOUR BOOK IS A STUPID CHILD'S BOOK!!" he cried. Jiraiya went from insulted to furious. Pinning down Sasuke he sat on top of him and began reading his book, but after several chapters of dirty dimestore smut Sasuke got such a severe nose bleed he lost consciousness.

When he came to he realized Sakura was slowly pulling down his pants.

He quickly got up and pulled them up.  
"Oh, Sasuke-kun."  
She gets up as he begins to run for his life. He loses her and as he was running he stepped on a rose bush and falls because of the pain in his foot

When he gets up, he sees Gaara standing over him "What are you doing here!?" Sasuke asks.

"I'm here to have fun," Gaara answers with a smirk on his face, Sasuke then notices all the sand gathering around him when the sand suddenly changed into Sakura and started chasing him around.

Gaara smirked victoriously as Sasuke tried to run for his life, he tried to attacked the Sakura clone and fell while doing so.

The clone suddenly disappeared as the real Sakura appeared with just a towel on.

Gaara laughed "Well, the real Sakura is 100 times better … bye!" When Gaara disappeared,  
Naruto comes and thinks Sasuke is "doing" something with Sakura.

"HEY! YOU BASTARD! YAH... YOU! SASUKE, STEP AWAY FROM SAKURA!!"

Naruto goes flying towards him as Sakura uses a chibi-ray on Naruto, turning him chibi. Sasuke runs up a tree to watch the battle. Naruto summons the power of nine-tails to make his now chibi-self super-strong! His chakra freaks Sakura out, so her towel falls off. Naruto gapes and Sasuke falls, then Naruto slaps Sasuke's bloody face while Sakura runs away screaming...

Super midget Naruto jumps up and runs across Sasuke's head pulling out hair, now styles with a reverse mohawk. Then Naruto slides down Sasuke's back and shoots a Rasengan up his ass that blows out the head of his penis. Falling forward, Sasuke lands head first on the ground and curls up into a ball.

Naruto can't believe how strong he is when he is chibi and cute. Sasuke is still curled up in a ball because of the pain. Suddenly they both hear a familiar voice, "There you are, Sasuke!"

Kakashi runs towards them and Naruto runs away knowing what Kakashi will do.

"Oh god, no." Sasuke is unable to get up because of the pain. "Insult my book, will you?" Kakashi then ties him to a tree naked and beats him with a stick while reading 'Come-come Paradise.'

With another smack the stick snaps in half. Kakashi looks at the stick, confused. Regaining his mind now that Kakashi has stopped reading, Sasuke takes the moment to pull a kunai from his sleeve and cut the ropes, he then runs into the forest.

Kakashi notices Sasuke and shrugs his shoulders, not caring in the least because he knows that in that area there happened to be more then one pit full of flesh eating scarabs. They also happened to like chewing on people if some one was stupid enough to fall in the hole.

Sasuke, being dumb enough he was to busy running for his life to even notice the hole. Sasuke stops in the middle of the area and realizes he is still naked. He sighs and decides he needs new clothes. He walks around and falls into a pit full of flesh eating scarabs. He screams in pain as they begin to eat his flesh!

He tries to get out but then Neji steps on his hands making Sasuke fall back into the pit. Neji walks off laughing as Sasuke begins to realize he is being eaten alive. Half his right arm is now covered in blood.

Suddenly, a pack of Sakura clones jump in the pit with him screaming, "If you die I will die with you my love my sweetheart my handsome!" which makes it impossible for him to get out. Then the real, and naked, Sakura comes back. She starts crying when she sees a naked-being-eaten-alive Sasuke, so Sakura jumps in too and pushes Sasuke up, saying "I will take your place in naked death."

Sasuke barely escapes alive! Once he gets out, he sighs and thanks God. Because dying naked with Sakura is worse then being eaten alive. He walks away from the pit but then he sees Ino who is screaming his name. "Sasuke-kun!" he quickly hides behind a tree. "Oh no, Ino!" he thinks. "There you are!" Ino squeals. "And you naked! This is my lucky day!" she begins to take off her clothes. Sasuke stands there stunned but then realizes what is happening.

Then Sasuke realized that he has his wang eaten off, so nothing happened down south to service Ino with. Ino was sad, then Sakura rampaged out of the bushes still naked brandishing Chibi-Naruto as a mallet and began to hit Ino. Rock Lee arrived hearing the screams of a girl he thought was Sakura and dropped down from the bush dramatically. "Sakura, I am he--" he noticed that Sasuke was naked and took the time to laugh at his small eaten wang. "Ohmigawd! Do you pee on your nuts when you go to the bathroom?!" Rock saw Sakura naked and stared in awe.

Sasuke, infuriated by the comments about his penis bursts into tears and runs off. He was not watching were he was going because he was to busy crying like a baby. He ran into bush, only to see Naruto again.

Naruto looks and sees Sasuke's wang. He laughs and says his is bigger, even if Sasuke's wasn't bitten off. "Shut up." Sasuke was angry and his eyes were still red from all the crying. "I'm better then you in every way!" Naruto dances around. Sasuke starts to cry again and runs away. "CRY BABY!" Naruto is laughing.

Sasuke keeps running until he bumps into Tsunade who is a bit drunk from drinking sake with Jiraiya. As she sees Sasuke, she notices he's naked, damn pervert! Tsunade yells before giving Sasuke a punch that throws him strait through two houses.

Sasuke gets up with a dislocated jaw, only to find himself at the hot spring. Then he stares at the old men bathing, who upon seeing Sasuke gets a heart attack and dies.

Sasuke sighs; he doesn't care about the old men, like he cares for anybody! He keeps walking past the hot springs only to see a short kid with black hair wearing overalls.

"HEY!" the kid screamed. "I know you! You're that guy that keeps on putting down Naruto." Sasuke glared at the kid and said "So what? Naruto is just an idiot anyways." Just then, the kid pulled a "Sexy no jutsu!" and turned into a beautiful brunette. Sasuke stared and got a nose bleed...

He passed out from blood loss a few minutes later, falling into one of the near by hot springs, which was under repair since it was a bit too hot. And as it turns out, it was filled with water that came all the way from China. Water that happened to be from a cursed spring known as the spring of the drowned girl...

Sasuke woke up the next day to find himself sitting on a bench. An old man addressed Sasuke.

"So what bring you to the hot springs? You seem to be hurt, I will buy you some soda and candy"

Sasuke graciously took the offer, because he was very thirsty since he cried out most of his body. He decided to get a Mountain Dew because his balls couldn't get any smaller.

The old man asks Sasuke to the bathroom to help him look for something. When they get in, the old man throws Sasuke into a bathroom stall and shoves his head in the toilet and flushes it.

The old man said, "Sasuke...I've noticed you for a while, and I can't stand it anymore! YOU NEED A NEW HAIR STYLE!" and with that, the old man grabs Sasuke and gives him a continuous swirly in the toilet bowl.

"I've watched you day after day and every time you have that extremely retro hairstyle! I can't stand it anymore! You need some highlights or maybe you should let it grow out for a while because with your hairstyle now, you will never get a girl friend ...and your clothes...they are an extreme fashion faux pas! I really have to refer you to a store in town. They have the latest styles which you must try on!"

At last he pulls Sasuke out of the toilet bowl and brings Sasuke to a mirror to look at his new hairstyle...

Then Kiba walked in, having to use the bathroom with Akamaru on his shoulder. "What the hell are you doing with an old man, Sasuke? ARE YOU GAY?!"

Sasuke tried to explain, but Kiba stood there not believing a word. "I always knew you were gay," Kiba said and walked out. Sasuke pushed the old man away and walked out the bathroom. His so called 'beautiful hair' was ruined. While he was walking, he ran into a bunch of fan girls who chased him until he couldn't run anymore.

They began to scream and yell and touch him. He couldn't get away and he couldn't breathe. He tried shitting on him self to scare them off, and boy did it work! He had eaten too much ramen, and he squirted so hard it ran out his pants legs and up his belly in his shirt.

The girls ran off, vomiting from the horrible smell coming from Sasuke's pants. He realized that he needed new ones due to his soiled ones would cause problems, so Sasuke began to walk home. As he rounded the corner, Rock Lee arrived again due to he never got to finish challenging Sasuke from last time. "Prepare yourself, Uchi--" Rock Lee then noticed the shit in Sasuke pants and began to laugh. "HAHAHA! I DIDN'T KNOW YOUU WERE THAT SCARED! Is this all a young Uchiha has to offer? I will wait until next time to challenge you. My stomach hurts too much from laughing..." Rock left.

Sasuke entered his house to find his brother standing there laughing. "Get out," Sasuke said as he looked at him. "So... I heard you finally came out of the closet." His brother laughed. Sasuke ignored him and walked into his room. "Shit face!" His brother laughed because of the shit on pants. Sasuke closed his door; he didn't think this day could get any worse. He changed into some new pants and a shirt. He laid down on his bed and sighed. His hair was ruined and everybody was out to get him.

He heard a strange noise and sat up. First he thought it was nothing, and then he takes a look out the window. He sees Shikamaru coming straight towards him through the window.

Shikamaru was running towards him, "DUDE, we got a problem!" he said as he pulled Sasuke out of the window by his hair. They reached a small cave.

There they find Naruto tied to a pole in the ground outside the cave, "What are you doing?" Sasuke asks. "Don't mind that just get me loose!" Naruto yells. Sasuke gives a smirk on his face, "No. I won't," Sasuke says, and then he walks into the cave with Shikamaru.

Inside they strike a match igniting the methane gas exploding the mine and shooting them out of the mouth like a bullet. Shikamaru lands safely in the river, but Sasuke was launched far past him, landing in a big pile of maggots.

Flesh eating maggots to be precise! They began eating Sasuke when he uses his fire jutsu. He kills all the maggots, but he catches himself on fire. As he rolls around on the ground trying to put himself out Naruto got up and was burned and had scars on his face.

"That bastard!" Naruto screams. He saw something running around and rolling on the ground. He recognized that voice and ran up to Sasuke. "HELP!" Sasuke screamed. Naruto laughed and quickly grabbed a can of gasoline. "Die you asshole!" He slowly tipped the can, but just then Ino came running out and tackled Naruto. "You can't hurt Sasuke-kun!" She began to punch him.

Sasuke managed to put himself out but then his Fan Girls arrived. They ripped his shirt, his pants, and yes, even his underwear off of him and ran away giggling. He managed to escape from them but the flames had left severe burns all over his body.

Sasuke was lying on the ground dying from blood loss. Then an old lady walks over speaking jibberish and twisting lemons all over his burns. As he is shaking in pain she takes out a huge sword and then takes off her costume and it is ... Zabuza!

"What!? I thought you were dead!" Sasuke said still shaking in pain from the lemons. "That's what you thought!" Zabuza swung the sword at Sasuke but missed him because he rolled away. "I'll kill you. Cut you from head to toe!" Zabuza tried to hit Sasuke again. Sasuke got up and sighed "I can't die now." Sasuke stood there.

Then Zabuza broke out some fairy dust and sprinkled it on Sasuke, who promptly grew large yellow warts covering 2/3 of his body. Sasuke then fell to the ground screaming with pain.

Sakura comes around and sees him, but is disgusted. "Nice transforming!" she laughs in his face. "You really suck." Sakura kicks him a couple of times, causing some of the yellow warts to pop. "Ohmigawd, sick." She throws up and runs away. "What the hell?" Sasuke thinks as he looks at his arms. "This is fucking sick!!!" he gets up and jumps into a lake. Just then, it begins to rain. Acid rain. He gets up and screams in pain as each drop is burning his skin.

Itachi emerged from the bushes. "Are you ready to die, little brother?" Sasuke readied his chidori and charged. Itachi threw it aside like a child's ball. "Is that all you have?" Itachi then stabbed Sasuke in the stomach.

Just then Naruto emerged from the bushes, "GET HIM! HE JACKED MY SHOW!" The whole cast of Naruto, from good guys to bad, emerge and begin to stab Sasuke with blunt rusty spoons.

Sasuke died of rust poisoning, and bleeding to death.

Rock Lee stepped on his head and held his arms up, "FOR THE ANTI-SASUKE GUILD!"

-The End-


End file.
